A family constellation looks at a particular question raised in relation to a family system. This article is aimed at facilitators of the technique and representatives – a person that stands in for family members that are placed in the room to help understand the relational dynamics of a client. As a facilitator navigating family systems, this is an art that takes practice. In my view, it requires the attitude of a meditator.
In meditation, we allow whatever arises in the body to be there. We do not hold on to pleasant sensations nor do we push away unpleasant sensations. Likewise, with emotions, we find in our body where we feel them and allow them to be there. With the thoughts of the mind, the same applies: we allow them to be there. The thoughts can be happy thoughts, or sad thoughts, spiritual thoughts, or mundane thoughts. We don’t censor (I.Kaplan, personal communication, June, 2007).
When I first encountered this practice, it was in the context of Buddhist meditation practices. Attachment is a word used in meditation to describe how the human mind has a natural tendency to attach to thoughts and feelings we have judged to be pleasant and good. This tendency is expanded further in Buddhist Philosophy under the 4 Nobel Truths (Anālayo, 2004). Non-attachment is the goal of meditation, and the result is that the free flow of vital force through the physical body is not blocked by the mind.
Judgement divides sensations in the body and mind into good sensations; those worth cultivating, and bad sensations; those that need to be avoided. We can describe this with the word ‘exclusion’, a term family constellations facilitators are familiar with. The attitude of not holding onto pleasant sensations and not pushing away unpleasant sensations needs to be practised regularly, especially if one is a family constellations facilitator. It is this attitude that one must take into a representation and into facilitation of a client’s issue.
If we extend this attitude into a client’s family system and the 1.‘knowing field’, we will experience loss, pain, trauma and freeze as well as hate, desire to kill, and indifference to all life. These emotions and behaviours are experienced and sometimes perpetrated by members of the family. As a facilitator and representative, we need to take this attitude of non-judgement to these members and places as we navigate the field. It is this attitude which includes that which is excluded. The effect is the family system begins to move into balance where love and life begins to flow again between the family members in much the same way as vital force begins to flow in a physical body in meditation.
Bert Hellinger discusses the importance of acknowledging ‘what is’ as the primary intervention when working with family systems, submitting to all information arising in a constellation without attachment to outcome, results, or intention (Hellinger et al., 1998). He said, “I face everything, exactly the way it is” (Hellinger & ten Hovel, 1999, p. 22). While Hellinger’s attitude of non-attachment and inclusion referred to events, members of the system and the outcome of the constellation, in this article, I extend this to include all that we experience in the physical body. Like in meditation, it is done without censorship.
The secret places and hidden places of a family system will open up if we can navigate our client’s field with this attitude. We will be able to trace those inner parts that the client hides, the family members that have been deliberately forgotten, and we (the facilitator) will serve as an example for the system to integrate, heal, and come into balance.
It all starts with us and our own attitude of non-judgement, not holding on, not pushing away whatever arises within our bodies, emotionally, and the thoughts in our minds. If we can do this with ‘presence’ and ‘be present with’ whatever arises, it will bring tremendous capacity for release and healing to the system in which we are working. Love, life and vital force will flow more freely. ‘Presence’ itself is a powerful resource.
References:
Bhikkhu, A. (2004). Satipatthana: The Direct Path to Realization. UK, Windhorse Publications.
Hellinger, B., Weber, G, & Beaumont, H. (1998). Love’s Hidden Symmety: What makes love work in relationships. Heidelberg, Germany: Carl-Auer-Systeme-Verlag.
Hellinger, B & ten Hovel, G. (1999). Acknowledging what is: Conversations with Bert Hellinger. (C. Beaumont, Trans.). Phoenix, Arizona: Zeig, Tucker & Theisen, Inc.
Mahr, A. (2004, June, 13-18). Systemic Constellations: Failure, evil, and guilt as sources for loving dedication and compassionate strength. [Conference presentation]. International Transpersonal Association Conference. Palm Springs, CA. Retrieved from: https://www.cf-evajacinto.pt/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Failure-Evil-and Guilt-as-Sources-for-Loving-Dedication-and-Compassionate-Strengh.pdf
Author: Erik Anderson www.erikandersen.co.za
